~ Billboard on the side of the road: Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.
~ Car Lot: The best way to get on your feet....Miss a car payment.
~ Church sign: To remove worry wrinkles, get your faith lifted.
~ Door of a plastic surgeon's office: Hello. May we pick your nose?
~ Gym: Merry Fitness and a Happy New Rear!
~ In a beauty shop: Dye now!
~ In a cafeteria: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.
~ In a dentist office: Be true to your teeth or they will be false to you.
~ In a department store: Bargain Basement Upstairs.
~ In a dry cleaner's window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.
~ In a farmer's field: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but be aware that the bull charges.
~ In a health food shop window: Closed due to illness.
~ In a Los Angeles clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
~ In a Maine restaurant: Open seven days a week and weekends.
~ In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center
~ In a New York restaurant: Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
~ Maternity clothes shop: We are open on Labor Day.
~ On a butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.
Beware of the letter 'G'! It is the end of everything!