Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Mid week laughs

No Parking
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large
city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space
with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper
that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't
park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer
along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years.
If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. 'Lead us not
into temptation.'"
Received from Larry.



100% Chance
A man who has been very sick is visiting his doctor to get the
results of a battery of tests. "What are my chances of recovering,
Doc?" he asks.
"One hundred percent," the doctor assures him.
"That's a relief," the patient says. "But how can you be so sure?"
"Well," the doctor says, "statistics show that nine out of every 10
patients with your disease will die. Yours is the 10th case I've
treated. The others have all died. So you are bound to get well."

From Colorado Comments



The Best Part Of Being A Policeman
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but
what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

From AcraMax Jokes


The Jury

A prosecuting attorney just could not believe that a jury had found the defendant not guilty.
Astonished, he asked the jury foreman, "How could you possibly have found this man innocent?"
The foreman replied, "Insanity."
The perplexed prosecutor asked, "All twelve of you?"

From AcraMax Jokes


If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

I'm not bossy. I just know what you should be doing.

Two guys were working for city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the guy who plants the trees called in sick."
[forwarded by Val Arends]

  "Congress is proposing a bill that would give President Obama a kill switch that he could use to freeze all activity on the Internet if there were a national emergency. The kill switch goes by the top secret name 'Microsoft Windows'."  (Conan O'Brien)

"A flight attendant was fired from Virgin Airlines for placing a baby in the overhead compartment. To be fair, the baby did not fit under the seat."  (Conan O'Brien)

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