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MY favorite recent messages from
Other unknown’s in internet land
A FEW OPTICIAN JOKES
Patient: Doc, I'm still seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Optician: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure! I'm seeing the spots much clearer now!
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Optician: You need glasses!
Patient: But I'm wearing glasses.
Optician: Then I need glasses!!
LAME EXCUSES NOT TO VOTE
Both candidates are just so trustworthy and deserving, I can't decide!
Last time I voted, a war started.
I talked to someone who completely disagrees with me, so my not voting will cancel out his not voting.
Oh, it's not like anyone *really* wins these things.
No, I don't vote ... it just encourages them to run again.
today'sFUNNY===========================
The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"
The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
[forwarded by David & Joan Kleins]
today'sTHOT============================
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
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today'sFUNNY===========================
In Washington, D.C., the application form for federal employment includes this question: "Why did you leave your previous employment?"
One applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded: "The express wish of 116,000 voters."
today'sTHOT============================
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
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They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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-Jacob
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