Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Some funnies

MY favorite recent messages from

Other unknown’s in internet land


Patient: Doc, I'm still seeing spots in front of my eyes.
Optician: Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient: Sure! I'm seeing the spots much clearer now!


Optician: You need glasses!
Patient: But I'm wearing glasses.
Optician: Then I need glasses!!


Both candidates are just so trustworthy and deserving, I can't decide!

Last time I voted, a war started.

I talked to someone who completely disagrees with me, so my not voting will cancel out his not voting.

Oh, it's not like anyone *really* wins these things.

No, I don't vote ... it just encourages them to run again.


The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?"
The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
[forwarded by David & Joan Kleins]
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

In Washington, D.C., the application form for federal employment includes this question: "Why did you leave your previous employment?"
One applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded: "The express wish of 116,000 voters."
How can I miss you if you won't go away?


They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:


The Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.


Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.


For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.


Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.


Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.


A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.


At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.


Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.


Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.



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