Funnies

today'sFUNNY===========================

 

A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

 

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."

 

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

 

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

 

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."

 

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"

 

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

 

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

 

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick landed square on the man's nose. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

 

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn!"

 

The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

www.mikeysFunnies.com

 

today'sFUNNY===========================

 

A Cajun was stopped by a game warden in Southern Louisiana recently with two ice chests of fish, leaving a bayou well known for its fishing.

 

The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?"

 

"Naw, ma fren, I ain't got none of dem, no. Dese here are my pet fish."

 

"Pet fish?"

 

"Ya. Avery night I take dese here fish down to de bayou and let dem swim 'round for a while. Den I whistle and dey jump rat back inta dis here ice chest and I take dem home."

 

"That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!"

 

The Cajun looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "It's de truth ma' fren. I'll show you. It really works."

 

"Okay, I've GOT to see this!"

 

The Cajun poured the fish into the bayou and stood and waited.

 

After several minutes, the game warden turned to him and said, "Well?"

 

"Well, what?" Said the Cajun.

 

"When are you going to call them back?"

 

"Call who back?"

 

"The FISH!"

 

"What fish?"

 

www.mikeysFunnies.com

 

A Veterinarian was feeling ill for a few days and finally decided to go visit her doctor.

Her doctor began asking all the usual questions ... what were the symptoms? When did the symptoms develop? Et cetera.

Finally, the Veterinarian says, "Look, Doc, I have to deal with patients who can't answer these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by a visual inspection. Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, stood back, looked her up and down closely, then whipped out his prescription pad and jotted down instructions for the pharmacy.

Then he handed it to her and said, "Of course, if this doesn't work, we'll have to put you down."

 

[Net 153's Smile A Day]

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-Jacob