Funnies

Actual excuses for calling in sick
~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come
to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead.

A teacher sees a student entering the classroom, his hands are very dirty.
She stopped him and said, "John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what
would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?"
Smiling the boy replied, "I think I would be too polite to mention it."

A mom was driving her five year old son to McDonald's one day and they
passed a car accident. Whenever the Mom saw something terrible like that,
she would always say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so she pointed
and said to her son, "We should pray."
From the back seat she heard his earnest request: "Please, God, don't let
those cars block the entrance to McDonald's."

The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is
half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Q: What do you get when you cross an owl with a skunk?
A: A bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot.

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